I would like .. the easy life.

One that is uncomplicated... or has no speed bumps or pain attached to it.

I want to be able to give my heart to someone without the fear of it being broken .. only for me to have to superglue the pieces back together again. Or wonder if it is even worth the repair.

When you love someone... why is there pain? Why is there hurt and why is there trust or lack there of?  I am a veteran to break ups. I have had more than my share.. and it is never me breaking up with someone else. I am the one that is left. So that leaves me to question...

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I talked to one of my ex boyfriends with whom I remain close.. And I asked him wtf?

This is what he said "YOU are an awesome girlfriend.. the best girlfriend ... I was the dick in the relationship . I took off on you and you didn't deserve that.  If someone leaves you it is THEIR problem.  you are the most loyal .. dependable .. faithful .. kind and sweet girl I have ever known in my life"

That made me feel a little better... but it still leaves me left.

I am never one of those people to just "cut" people out of my life. When I love someone .. I love them forever.  I don't know how to stop that.. Or change that about myself.  How do you carve someone out of your heart.

Isn't that where bitterness begins?

I find that I am holding pieces of my heart today Hoping that it will heal.

You can be hurt by love... and healed by the same ...

When you care deeply about someone .. you run the risk of your heart being broken.

And so it is broken this fragile heart of mine.

they say it will heal .. that timing is everything.

But I am not so sure.