I am really hurting. I left the house and just drove for an hour.

Drove by my old house- broken dreams ... shattered lives.  Some new family lives there now. It is decorated for Christmas and looks pretty.

From what I can tell they haven't changed the interior much.  I sat in front of the house and cried.

I had really started to think that I would like for someday for this man to love me enough to marry me, but I am not sure that he will... not when he has a penchant for women that aren't me.

Even if they are on the internet.

Not real fake women.

I cut three times. I am not sure if I am finished cutting... I mean we shall see.

I just am tired of living in a world ... that is unfaithful . Tired of never measuring up... and tired of never doing anything right.

Tired of people who put me last ... or just leave me. Tired of everything.

It is starting to feel too heavy to breathe.

Yet here I am ... letting the breath cut through me.

I have all these friends in need... and I am not certain that anyone hears or sees me.

I am invisible.

which I kind of like living under the radar. I don't want to have to explain myself or my choices or actions to anyone.

I rather like calling out into the wind and having it return void.

:::void:::

oh well... off to the bathroom for a shower and a cut.

Goodnite lovelies ... be gentle to one another.