ok first -- National Finals Rodeo

my fave steer wrassler the booty shakin Luke Branquinho lost on a technicality -- i am SO mad.  I am calling for instant replay in rodeo. Stupid judge called that Luke did not have his hand on the steer when he rolled... WRONG.... Because of this Luke lost 50 k .  and he finished second.

::sigh::

My fave bullridin guy Kanin #78  finished second ...

What else ?

Had a battle with the WarEagle yesterday...

mostly because we have had sexual encounters 4 times this weekend but only one time where I wasn't the on the "giving" end... and actually got to receive ... so morning handjob later and i was frustrated and mad.

I got over it ... until he decided later in the day to say....

"I don't know why YOU give ME a hard time about porn when YOU have a sex blog."

I am sorry but HUH?!

My blog is mostly about my writing ... stuff... and being able to verbalize my feelings...

plus until recently it was really kind of sex LESS.

So then I was furious...

I said... ok ... I will shut my blog down... are you gonna quit looking at porn...

no answer

Then I said ... ok... let's look at it this way ... how does YOUR porn addiction enhance or better our relationship? because you looking at skeezy ho's all day makes me not want YOU to touch me. It feels dirty.

We went to Target and the discussion kind of continued and I told him flat out... why should I keep my promise to you about cutting when you do something that is really kind of painful to me?

....

Truth be known I kind of  feel like it is me who has to change if this relationship is going to work... I have to either accept it and move on or I need to get rid of wareagle. I indicated to him that I was hungry did he want to eat and he said "no no I will go home and eat my sandwich" So I told him I would drop him off and let him eat and then i would go out because i needed to figure stuff out.

When we got back to the house he was really upset that I was dropping him off and told me "well if you need time away from me , fine ... go on"

That wasn't the point .. I was just trying to figure out how to fix me.

but I ended up following him... but he smarted off and I just went in and cut .

He was mad ..."Do you feel better?"

I was pretty indignant.."Yes actually I do"

Then the madre piped in... "Shi I think you need to see a doctor... you are so moody lately- I think you are going through the change."

WTF ... I am angry over an issue and I am going through menopause...

whatthefuckever.

I am not going through menopause ... I am tired of not being touched and my other watching porn to get through his day.

it is taking it's toll... i have been down this route before.

We decided to go back out and I was crying because my mom takes his side... that is painful too.

he hugged me and said that he would work on it.

I would like to be hopeful.

......

We get along so well... he really is my closest friend because he is with me 24/7 ... he knows everything about me... all my faults and he loves me.

I mean he really loves me...

If he didn't he would put up with my hystrionics.

anywho...

life is what it is ... how are things with you?