Posting this video ... because in reality, I need a hug. In fact, I need LOTS of hugs.  To be held would be a wonderful thing right now. 

I have hit the time where. .. there is just TOO much at once. 

Dealing with the surgery ... has been so unbelievably difficult. Physically ... mentally... emotionally.  I was able to start moving my foot up and down yesterday. And I was allowed to put a little weight on it. This means with cast boot on and with a walker. VERY sexy trust me . But I have to tell you that it has swollen to the size of texas ... and I am still on keflex because the incision got infected.  I am frustrated with my inability to walk. I am frustrated with my inabliity to get myself a glass of water.  I know this is ONLY for a short time. But regardless... it is a pain in the ass.  

Also on my list today is my blackberry ... it is going out... I am not getting calls or text messages. I had a man trying to get ahold of me from 8 am ... he found Mollie Mae Malicious wandering . When my bro in law is supposed to be watching her. When he finally got through it was 10 am . He said he had Mollie Mae. It was like  a freaking nightmare dream come to life. My sis started calling my brother in law .. and it was just something that happened and she got out.  But here is the thing ... I started crying ... out of worry and relief.  My mom totally jumped my shit and said that I was ridiculous THAT DOG is fine.  Here is where I am getting emotional folks ... I have had surgery I can't walk... I have to depend on other people to help me and my dog who is like my child.  I wanted to bring Mollie with me but was basically told NO. She was not welcome. Now ... here is the thing ... MY nephews were allowed to come.. nobody has told peoples kids to stay home.  WTF ... ok I get that not everyone has the same lovey feelings that I do for my mollie. 

But here is the thing . My ex husband gave her to me after the loss of my baby. She became that surrogate baby and she is spoiled fucking rotten. Yeah I said it spoiled.. and it was my doing. I couldn't help it. She was so small and adorable and .. she loved me. REALLY loved me .  

I digress.

They got my info from my vet from Mollies tags. They also got Wareagles number he was her emergency contact... FFS another thing i have to change. When i got my voicemails .. he had called too and he was trying to find a way to help, but was on the other side of town. 

With me being here ... recovering and .. waiting for Gramma's funeral... I gotta say I am feeling pretty fucking helpless.  And for my mom to yell at me for being upset.? seriously?

I am so over people in my life. 

Which led me to having this complete day of how inadequate I feel right now.  Of how the one thing I would really like in my life is to be TRULY loved. To have a person in my life ... who loves me and supports me emotionally and ... cares what is going on.. cares about my pets.. and accepts them.  Why does it have to be so hard?

We had to go through my grandmothers things , I can't do anything but sit foot up and go through card after card ... and i wasn't much help.  We had to go to the mortuary . Tomorrow is the viewing. ... TOO MUCH. 

I guess I could lament that the WarEagle didn't love me . That he left me ... but I chose him. It is my fault.  

Mollie is my responsibility and I should have stayed home and recovered by myself. Yeah i know I can't get around ... but at least she would be cared for and watched. 

I feel so ... frustrated and sad and lonely right now. I feel like I can't count on the humans in my life. 

WarEagle texted me yesterday saying that at least I have loving parents ... well yes .. this is true. But they don't love Mollie, and she is part of my life. 

Maybe I am being hyper emotional about this.. but I am a little pissed. Pissed at my body for not working the way it is supposed to. Pissed that mollie is a small dog and I warned them not to just leave her .. she digs out .. she runs away if she is not attended  to. She is not an outdoor dog. 

WHATEVER ... 

I will be back to happy shibs tomorrow... but right now ... call me rantasaurus rex... 

So yeah I need a hug... even if I am largely unhugable tonight.