Hello Lovelies

I am listening to :  By Your Side -- Tenth Avenue North

      And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Feeling -- not so numb, my emotions are still on the surface.

               Wanting to cut .. but haven't . Still a bit teary .

                Craving sex. ugh! but don't feel sexy .. wtf?

Thought for the day :  

Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age.
Anais Nin

Ok, so i took the day off to go to the doctors and stuff. I had to have a follow up from the miscarriage and needed to change my medication. My doctor took me off of oral contraceptives and put me on nuvaring. She gave me two samples. It is kind of interesting and I hope that .. it works in the fact of not having side effects.. especially the whole pregnancy thing should that even be a factor again.. lol

so here is the nuva ring .. it is just that a ring .. a once a month birth control/hormone therapy. The ring I thought .. was kind of big. Wasn't sure how that mess was gonna work. But I wasn't really into getting the iud.. and the hormone therapy makes my cycles better.

I get terrible cycles..  First day I vomit among other lovely things.

not my favorite time.. I hate mad cow... bleh...

The ring ... I told you it looks big...ok so maybe it doesn't just LOOK big .. hehe

OK so I was a little concerned i was not sure how it would fit .. or what to do and the instructions were like reading a fucking map... yay.. cuz girls are soooo good at map reading. So i just .. did my best...you have to squeeze it and then ... insert it ... and it stays there a month releasing estrogen/progesterone.

This was the healthiest choice for me.

Other than that I have healed nicely from the miscarriage.

I think I have learned something ugly about me today... I am starting to really resent my pregnant neighbor across the street. You know the one who's due the same time I would be... I hate seeing her pregnant belly. I hate that she smokes while pregnant. (sorry smokers) I hate that she really isn't that nice to her oldest child.  It hurts my uterus to see her. I ache inside.. explain that for me.

But other than that life is good. I feel good. I am doing yoga again trying to find my center.  Meditating.

finding that life is pretty awesome, other than the occasional set back.. but that is life right?

What would it be if there were no challenges to grow from? Pretty damn boring I bet!  I mean to be perfect and have perfect is well... perfect. But the only thing I am perfect at is imperfection.. There I said it ... perfection is my enemy!

Perfection is the man! Damn the Man!!!!

Have a great Friday EVE ...

hugs and kisses