Loads of fun here on my end. Still going to Physical therapy to help with my foot since my surgery. I am excited that a lot of the swelling is being alleviated… And that I am able to walk (not well) on two feet. I started noticing that when I was on my scooter, after my surgery that my right knee was achy. I figured this was from putting ALL of my body weight on my right leg, since I was unable to stand or walk with my left leg and I was primarily on bedrest. I have mentioned this several times during my physical therapy appointments. Since I can self refer myself for therapy I asked that they evaluate my knee and possibly rehab it as well, since I am already there.

So!

After my foot appointment yesterday Andy my physical therapist eval’d my knee. I showed him the spot where I was feeling THE MOST pain. Advised the consistency of pain… inability to straighten my right leg out the whole way. He raised and eyebrow and then then he started moving my leg around , checking to see what angles caused little to no pain .. or immense pain. He looked at me and shook his head. I knew something was not good but I asked anyway .. “Soo… what’s up Andy?”

He said that he had his suspicions but I would definitely need to see a orthopedic surgeon. I was going to probably need a xray or mri of my knee and most likely surgery. UGH! Really? At this point I am not sure if I actually heard everything he was saying because I started crying profusely . Andy just kind of sat there blinking his eyes … because I don’t cry in therapy… honestly. I am good natured and laugh even when in the worst pain… (or so I thought).

To tell the truth .. I was MAD! Furious!!

I was thinking omgosh I am 42 and I am feeling like I am 84 years old. I can’t walk… without pain. In fact I have not had ONE pain free day since October Second!

Seriously! I think I may have had some salty language here to express how I was feeling.. Score 50 points for not being ladylike .. or is that minus 50 points…

Then he had the Head Physical Therapist and Owner Michael come to give a second set of eyes and to see if what he thought was correct. Bleh he was .. but whatever. Michael looked at me and told me to lay on my back and he said straight out “ I am apologizing now Shib I am sooo sorry for what is going to happen, but it should give you some relief for the weekend.” Then he lifted my leg and popped my knee out.

MOTHERTRUCKER!!!

If I thought that I was crying before .. NOPE I was crying now .. outloud a snot slinging mess of a human being… embarrassing really but you know what? that hurt worse than most things I could imagine hurting.. Then when I thought that hurt.. He pushed it back in. Then did this like three more times.

Flip a duck! After they did this they put me in a room and iced my knee. I laid there and was still crying. I allowed myself 10 minutes to feel sorry for myself while I was alone. Then I got up and drove to Regina’s house ( my ex boyfriends friend who does business with me) She had made me dinner and we giggled and talked. Then I picked up glassware for candle making.. (yay me) 20 cases of glassware… Then I drove home-

Spent some time with Char since she is moving today. I am really sad, I feel close to her . But I understand she has to move .. . finances require it . No jobs here in Las Vegas require it. My new roommate Owl moves in tomorrow. Thanks to Stricturism for setting that up.

I have been trying to put all of my upheaval and .. crap into perspective.. I have come to the conclusion … all for not that IT happens. To everyone not just me .. I have just had mine more concentrated and close together and other people have stuff spread out. I find that my humor is kind of lagging at this point … meh.. but what is a girl to to. I will put on my big girl panties.. I will force a smile on my face until it becomes a real smile.. and I will deal with what I have ahead of me.

Granted I will NOT be accepting any help from Mr. Abbott if he calls. I can manage better by myself without a broken heart. I hope that .. I do not need surgery. But I am afraid that it is a cold reality … I don’t just have bad stuff in my life. I have really great stuff too. I have a family that is really supportive… I have good friends… I have a GREAT life.

Those are the blessings that I count when I can’t sleep at night because something hurts- or when the pain medication does not knock me out.

Julie – this is specifically for you… I love you … you are a great friend. You are one of just a handful of people that I trust 100 percent. I am so grateful to you for loving me without condition .. who does not base your care for me on who I am … what I can do.. .what I look like… what I say.. You are the truest of the true… I am very grateful to you for crying sessions.. for advice… and for encouragement … I am a lucky… lucky.. lucky woman to have met you .. you are a rare gem.. a RUBY vibrant and beautiful …

 I was getting ready to publish this.. and I got a call from my mom .. they found a nodule in her lung. This day keeps getting better and better right? I have gone between total grief and thinking that my grandad just died from lung cancer... to .. furious with her for smoking all these years and thinking how selfish she was to do so .. because my selfish reason is I am not going to have my mom for much longer. Irony.... I am so over this...