Ok like I said I have been under a lot of stress. Work - equals a LOT of stress right now . That and I am dealing with some emotional baggage right now.  Call it post break up... post being fucked over .. whatever..  The emotional landmines that come with said situations are what truly suck -

But I have decided that I didn't break it .. I don't have to fix it.  

I find that when I am under the amount of stress that I am under- the first thing to go is my sexuality.. I am soooo not feeling sexy.  Well that and I haven't had sex in over a month. With someone or with myself.  I just feel... not myself.  

Believe me... it isn't for lack of want but I just have no follow through right now. I have a lovely gentleman who has taken me on a date and has been asking to cuddle with me . I adore him .. and I do want to do said cuddling and he does say the nicest things.  I will do these things I just need to feel like myself again. Who am I again?  

X... texted me and asked how I was doing... I do so love confessing all of my stuff to him.. I told him all of these things.. the stress.. the headache... the not feeling sex... the inability to masturbate... all of it ..  So the good Father (I do dig him and his priest play) Told me that I was do it that evening... think of him and do it.  ermmm OK.  It was a chore that took over an hour... (i say chore like it was a bad thing). It wasn't and I guess I am on my way out of the slump.  

EX has been calling me .. and visiting. I am doing my best to be switzerland. I have no desire to trip down memory lane. I am guessing he had a date last night because he actually talked to me on the phone in his car.. That is what he was doing last time with the other girl he was seeing. He isn't seeing me.  I don't know why he feels the need to be friends with me . All I know.. is I didn't break it .. and  I don't have to fix it.  

Last weekend I had my submissives mentoring bootcamp intensive. It was an all weekend deal ... I took CPR - and first aid. Then I had my dungeon monitoring class on Sunday. I am actually a certified dungeon master now ... hehe I can monitor play in a dungeon... "Everyone play safely now" . I do hate my life (sarcastic even)  

I have been thinking alot about connections... why they happen .. why some do not... chemistry... neurons.. electrons and sex.  We are interesting creatures aren't we?  

Also the first place that I started blogging ... is closing down .. so I am going to be downloading all of my posts into this blog... PLEASE KNOW I have two different blogs .. and I can be two totally different people ... I have the good girl side of me.. and the .. well naughtier side of me.  Both make me who I am and I am slowly but surely integrating these personalities so that I am not feeling so disconnected and completely compartmentalized.  Keeping myself in neat little boxes worked for awhile but it just leaves me feeling disjointed and schitzophrenic in a sense.   Let me begin by saying that when I first started blogging my boyfriend at the time was a Dom... my first Dom experience...  So it will be interesting to revisit that time in my life.. Perhaps I will leave notes from today's time on those posts.. who knows...  If you are a reader of my blog you do NOT have to be a member to leave comments.. I really do like them and hope that you will leave me a note.  (bats eyelashes and begs pretty please)